“Graduation Overkill”

Long gone are the days of just a high school and a college graduation. Ceremonies at multiple levels of grade-school matriculation are here to stay and ubiquitous. Is that a good or a bad thing? Well, it depends.

We all know this is an appropriate time for a graduation, but have elementary and middle school ceremonies gone too far? | Photo courtesy of Wikimedia. Carine06 Flickr stream

During my lunch time this past Tuesday, I was listening to a conversation on sports radio about the topic of 5th and 8th grade graduations, and the show host was none too happy about them. It was clear I had turned on the radio and had begun listening well into the conversation, so I don’t know how it started, but the show host was clearly not pleased about the fact that 5th and 8th grade graduations had become a common and accepted practice at elementary and middle schools through the country.

From what I could glean, the host was of the opinion that children should not be rewarded for doing what they are supposed to do in the first place, and transitioning from 5th to 6th grade and 8th to 9th grade are actions that are supposed to take place, because a child should be expected, and actually is required, to finish those grades and move on to the next level. He further opined that the act of rewarding a child for a required action serves to coddle the child and threatens to compromise his/her initiative for academic achievement.

Many callers agreed with the host, and many others did not, just as with any sports or non-sports topic introduced on the station. What made this discussion particularly intriguing to me was that I come out on both sides of the argument. I pride myself in being able to keep perspective and consider both sides of any argument, but I rarely have much of an issue coming out on one side or the other and clearly articulating the reasons why.

On one hand, I’m 31 and participated both in 5th and 8th grade graduations, so the concept is not all that new. I am proud to be half way through a doctoral program, so the stated potential for me to rest on my laurels from excessive celebration and somehow damage my ability to succeed academically did not affect me one iota. On the other hand, I am of the school of thought that children today are indeed coddled way too much and are so shielded from disappointment that they don’t learn the all-important principle of paying dues until they face the deep disappointments of adulthood that gold stars and ice cream can’t fix.

Today’s children receive too many participation ribbons and trophies without learning what it means to just not be quite good enough, experiencing the sadness of not winning, and figuring out what needs to happen the next time to produce a favorable result. And such kids may or may not have the internal achievement-pointing compass necessary to stay focused on the ultimate goal, even in the midst of celebration. Multiple graduation ceremonies throughout the grade school experience most likely work to their detriment.

As at least one caller pointed out, though, child, behavioral, and educational psychologists have identified several advantages of celebration, not the least of which is the positive reinforcement of good behavior, which helps a child continue achieving. I have definitely found this to be true. I reflected on the discipline of celebration last week, when I shared that taking the time often to celebrate the good things that happen your life helps you remember how good God is and doesn’t allow room for the enemy to swoop in and convince you that everything is wrong when clearly, that’s not the case.

If Satan can convince you, at any point in your life, that the sky is falling, you’ll be more likely to substitute the lifestyle of holiness for that of worldly convenience to aid you in getting out the seemingly insurmountable circumstance he’s created in your mind. At that point, you start living below your purpose and, worse yet, in sin.

Ultimately, whether or not a child will benefit from the extra grade-school graduation ceremonies comes down to the parent(s)’ commitment to excellence and their ability to translate that commitment to their children. In any moment of celebration throughout my life, I’ve been happy but I’ve always remained focused because one, I had high-achieving parents who accepted nothing less than the best, and two, because earning a doctoral degree has been my goal and my focus for many years.

If that child, however, neither has any positive educational reinforcement coming from the home, nor any kind of internal motivation to succeed, then constant celebrations can indeed prove to be a massive distraction.

If we practice sound stewardship over the things and the people God has given us, we will become intimately acquainted with success. If not, well…

Peace and Love,
Pastor Cylar
06-16-2013

“The Discipline of Celebration”

On this Youth Recognition Sunday, I would like to take this space to celebrate our young people and the faithful and committed adults who work with them. I have witnessed significant growth in our youth this conference year, as a willingness to try new things, an ability to step up when asked, and a general enthusiasm about Christ have all been increasingly noticeable in my time here, and for that, I’m thankful. For their great accomplishments here and at school, they deserve this recognition, and I’m glad we’re able to provide it.

Thinking about this time of recognition for our young people makes me wonder, though, how often do we have times of recognition for adults? Perhaps were (you’ve been) blessed to have received a certificate for attendance or a plaque honoring you for multiple years of service to your place of employment. Hopefully, after some time of faithfulness, you also received a raise, a bonus, and/or a promotion of some kind. While merit increases and other such incentives are positive, the corporate (as in together with others) awards ceremonies seem to end for adults after the last time you walk across the stage for your highest degree.

We have times of public recognition for our youth because we know children need as much positive affirmation as possible, as often as we can possibly give it to them, but, if we be honest with ourselves, don’t we need recognition, too? Aren’t we still blessed when someone acknowledges our hard work in public? Perhaps we graduate from the gold star of affirmation by the end of the fifth grade, but do we ever outgrow the need for or appreciate of affirmation in general?

In Richard Foster’s book, Celebration of Discipline: The Path to Spiritual Growth, he details twelve spiritual disciplines, including prayer, fasting, study, and many others, whose consistent practice lead to a closer relationship with Christ. The last of the disciplines Foster discusses is that of celebration. Celebration? A spiritual discipline? How so?

Celebration, while rarely talked about in the context of spirituality, is most definitely a spiritual discipline because we often need to pause to take inventory of where we are relative to where we used to be. Such reflection helps us to not only feel good about ourselves but also to remember the goodness of God in our lives. Remembrance is a powerful weapon against the attack of the enemy.

The cares of this world are real, painful, and downright oppressive at times, especially when we’re acutely aware of our mistakes and shortcomings in life, but taking the time to recognize one another for what have done well helps us stay positive, keep our eyes on Christ, and fight off the demon of depression. When we remember how good God has been to us, our hearts and spirits are more oriented toward Him, thus empowering us to live better lives.

As you can see, there are several benefits of the discipline of celebration that you may have never thought of before that can be a great blessing to you. Perhaps, we need to have an Adult Recognition Sunday! Just a thought…

Peace and Love,
Pastor Cylar
06-09-2013

“Life is Way Too Short…This Life, That Is…”

I turned on the television this past Monday evening to watch PoliticsNation with Al Sharpton only to see the devastation from the violent tornado that hit Moore, Oklahoma. That a number of people have been confirmed dead is tragic; that an entire community has been obliterated is doubly tragic; that this same community was hit in 1999 in the same fashion with the same result is even more tragic. What is most tragic, however, is that once again, a number of young schoolchildren’s lives have ended essentially before they got started.

Several months ago, we were heartbroken to learn of young lives in Newtown, Connecticut claimed by a deranged gunman who opened fire on a classroom of innocent six-year-olds. We were heartbroken because we who are parents put ourselves in the situation and imagined the pain we would have felt had one of our children been in that classroom. We were horrified to learn that the place we trust and depend on as a to be provide a safe, nurturing environment for our children could be so easily compromised and turned into an evil young man’s personal shooting range. We were deeply saddened and disappointed that broken politics has rendered ineffective the nationwide push for greater legal action to curtail gun violence, sparked in response to the Newtown shootings.

What makes the Moore, OK tragedy worse, in my mind, though, is that whereas you can explain murder as the result of moral depravity and intense, deep-seeded evil that has manifested itself in a very unfortunate manner, it’s far more difficult to explain natural disasters that claim young lives. We who believe in the omnipotence of God find it beyond difficult to explain the fatal results of violent tornados, and we ask ourselves, why did God allow the same community that got hit 14 years ago in the same way with the same result to get hit again? Why did God allow a school housing children to be destroyed, stripping promising young lives of a great future? God’s mailbox is surely filled with questions like these from all over the country, all over the world at this very hour.

We who have been blessed with free will and the ability to reason become frustrated to no end when we are left with questions we simply cannot answer, but in our relationship with Christ, where faith comes in is in our realization that we’re never going to have all the answers in this life because if we did, we’d be God ourselves.

God leaves us with few answers, at least with respect to natural disasters, but we He has left us with is His word, wherein Paul asserts in 2 Corinthians 5:8 that, in Christ, to be absent with the body is to be present with the Lord. No, it’s not much of a consolation to families of victims, but it’s all we have. The other thing we do have that we must be reminded of constantly is the grim fact that what happens in this life only matters so much; what happens in the life to come is what matters most, and how we prepare ourselves down here for that makes all the difference.

Especially in times like these, I couldn’t imagine not having the promise of an abundant life with Christ to look forward to when thinking of lives gone too soon, for if that were the case, and we had no hope in a soon-returning Christ, I think my outlook on life would be as grim as Solomon, the writer of Ecclesiastes, who claimed in 1:2, “Vanity of vanities, all is vanity.”

Let us hope in Christ. And let us pray that hope comforts the families of victims at this most difficult hour.

Peace and Love,
Pastor Cylar
05-26-2013

“Stepping Out on Faith, or Stuck on Stupid?”

Did any of you hear the story a few days ago about the young man, Jay Harris, recruited by Michigan State to play wide receiver, only to turn down the full scholarship in favor of pursuing a rap career? Wow!

Well, at least, what I said was the version of the story printed this past Tuesday. By Wednesday morning, however, the story had changed after related news came out that the Spartans had actually rescinded his scholarship after seeing numerous raunchy rap videos he had produced online. I’m sure Harris did not want to admit as such, but being stripped of his scholarship is actually much more plausible than the former story.

There are two directions to take this story; I’ll go in one direction now, and, if nothing groundbreaking happens between now and next week, I’ll explore another perspective. Had the first version of this story been true, I would have opined that this young man had made a stupid, unsustainable decision that certainly must have shocked and horrified his hardworking parent(s). When hearing and reading this news, what I did begin to reflect on, though, were the number of opportunities that arise throughout our lives to leave that which is comfortable, predictable, and planned, for something uncomfortable and oftentimes not all the way planned, to leave the known and venture out into the unknown.

For you, such a decision might not have entailed something as idiotic (at least on the surface) as choosing a rap career over a full scholarship, but it was equally as drastic and scary. You felt the tug of God toward a particular path, and you questioned traversing that path because it required forsaking the familiar and completely leaning on God in the realm of the unfamiliar. Perhaps making such a decision meant leaving a steady paycheck in favor of a compensation scale that would have been up in the air, at least for a season.

Some of the world’s foremost entrepreneurs are well known, not just because of the fortune they’ve amassed, but because of the great faith (whether or not they were people of faith) and courage they exhibited to start their company. The same goes for pastors who left their denominations to start their own churches, as there is always a fear in leaving something established to pursue something in its infancy. What those leaders left might have been solid, but what God had for them on the other side of their faith walk was so much better than solid, and they ended up so much happier doing it, even if there was some temporary anguish at first.

I want to encourage someone today (I’m talking to myself right now) to make that choice and step out on faith the next time such a decision is available for you, for God’s got you all the way, and truth be told, you won’t be truly fulfilled until you do it, no matter how comfortable your current situation is. If you’re thinking about embarking upon a rap career, however, you might want to rethink that one…

We can and have made some crazy decisions in our lives, but stepping out on faith and doing what God has called us to do is certainly not one of them.

Peace and Love,
Pastor Cylar
05-19-2013

“Mama’s Boys: Are They Really That Bad?”

This is a still from the video of my trial sermon in 2003, the last time my mom and I saw each other before she suddenly contracted brain cancer and eventually passed. I’m eternally grateful my mom’s last good memory of me is my preaching the gospel.

I had an epiphany while I was sitting in my office this past Thursday. Young men and young women are typically advised to look out for two particular groups of people when searching for a mate or evaluating prospects. Young men are admonished to look out for daddy’s girls, as they are very close with their fathers, typically get anything they want from them, and, most importantly, will go straight to them for comfort and protection if their husband crosses them in any way. Young women, on the other hand, are warned to avoid mama’s boys at all costs because these young men not only are very close and protective of their mothers, but, when making family decisions, they defer to them all too often and, to the detriment of the wife, still seek their approval, even in adulthood.

Of these two groups, mama’s boys receive the far greater stigma, for whereas the worst thing a daddy’s girl might do, if she’s with a good man, is wear out her husband’s pockets, a mama’s boy can potentially ruin a marriage because that young man may have deferred to his mother so much that he’s lost his wife’s respect, trust, and confidence in her husband to make important family decisions.

And it’s because of this stigma (much of which, honestly, is indeed warranted) that I’m not quite sure it’s as cool these days for grown men to honor their mothers as it once was. You look at all these women out here who get abused physically, verbally, and emotionally by their husbands and boyfriends, and you have to ask yourself, “Who raised these men? What was instilled in them that makes them act the way they do? Who taught them to disrespect women?”

Thinking about these things in light of the tragic and ridiculous story of some Cleveland men keeping girls trapped in a house, bound in chains for ten years, I wonder personally what this world would be like if we had more mama’s boys. A mama’s boy certainly wouldn’t disrespect a woman, calling her out of her name, subjugating her based off of antiquated gender roles, and abusing her in any way. A mama’s boy wouldn’t dream of settling for mediocrity because he knows his mother taught him and nurtured him to be all he can be in life.

A mama’s boy wouldn’t be caught dead with his pants below his waist because he understands the way he presents himself in public is a reflection of the teaching, the discipline, the class and grace of his mother. A mama’s boy is made in the image of Almighty God and lives a life that reflects as such.

Mothers are a gift from God who selflessly sacrifice everything to make sure we have everything and grow up to be productive citizens in the world. I certainly wouldn’t mind being called a mama’s boy; today, I am celebrating my tenth mother’s day without my mom, yet, to this day, I still do 95 percent of everything she ever taught me to do. Her impact on my life is undeniable, and I pray that in everything I do, those who knew her will still see her in me.

Mama’s boys definitely must be admonished to grow spines, honor their wives, support their families, and not let their mothers make decisions for them in their adulthood, but they ought not be afraid to admit they are mama’s boys, especially if they are living lives of which their mothers are/would be proud.

So, on this Mother’s Day, let us salute mama’s boys (and girls) everywhere who live in a manner that both pleases God and honors their mothers. The world would definitely be a better place if we had more of them.

Peace and Love,
Pastor Cylar
05-12-2013

“Agree to Disagree”

This past week, we witnessed a relatively mild public reaction to a major, major story in the world of sports and beyond, as 12-year NBA veteran Jason Collins became the first active male athlete in the four major American sports to publicly admit being gay. The fact that Collins is the first to do this is major because of how testosterone-driven and close-minded the world of male athletics is. Also, being the first to do something is always significant and requires much courage.

I say the reaction to this news was relatively mild because the internet wasn’t overloaded with increased traffic and bandwidth, as it usually is when significant or shocking news is reported. Much of the lack of shock comes from the fact that Collins neither is nor ever has been a major star in the league and that he is a free agent near the end of his career and may or may not get picked up by another team, especially in light of the news (unfortunately). The other reason for the lack of shock is that homosexuality, not too many years ago considered taboo, has become almost mainstream, far more acceptable by the masses than ever before.

In case you did not know, I am not in agreement with the lifestyle of homosexuality, nor will I ever be. I have heard several refutations, some of which are even scripturally based, to the notion of this lifestyle being a sin, but I will never be swayed in my belief. I am not one of those, though, that can ever be accused of emphasizing some sins over others. I’ll be the first to tell you that I firmly believe my inability to push myself away from the dinner table is just as unpleasing to God and compromising to my relationship with God as homosexuality is. Each of us will ultimately have to answer to God for all we have done that doesn’t line up with His word, and none of us, in my opinion, is better or more worthy of God’s grace than anyone else.

What I absolutely hate, though, is that because of the bigoted, less-than-christianlike manner in which some of my Christian brothers and sisters have acted and spoken against people in the LGBTQ community over the years, society believes every individual who expresses disagreement with the lifestyle is automatically a homophobe, a notion with which I vehemently disagree. Homophobia implies an aversion not just to a lifestyle or a practice, but even worse, to the person practicing the lifestyle, which Jesus has commanded us never to do. We as believers are called to take a stand for what we believe in, but do so with the love of Christ. Jesus never compromised the scriptures in His earthly life and ministry, but that lack of compromise never kept Him from reaching out and talking to those who were considered untouchable, undesirable, or simply different.

I want to live in a world where I can feel free to disagree with something or someone without being accused of not having the love of Jesus in my heart. I want to be free to have my opinions without being looked at as hateful because I don’t hate anyone, regardless of how they live their lives. I’m the first to speak and write against human rights violations, as I believe everyone everywhere, regardless of sexual orientation, race, gender, socioeconomic status, or any other factor, should have equal protection under the law. I want every human being to be confident to express what he/she believes in without being considered hateful or adversarial.

Much in the same way, we must foster an agree-to-disagree culture in the local church that allows us to live, work, and worship together in harmony. Some of you don’t particularly care for me or share my views on many issues, but if we can agree to disagree and still treat each other with the love and respect our Lord and Savior treats each of us, the disagreements we have won’t drive us apart. When we create the kind of church culture that embraces differences and allows the Holy Spirit to bring clarity and correction to our points of disagreements, we can become a stronger church and an even greater reflection of the love of Christ.

People of God, let us agree to disagree and let us love at all times. Be blessed!

Peace and Love,
Pastor Cylar
05-05-2013

“Annual Lay Day – Strengthening the Local Church”

Noted Christian researcher, statistician, and author George Barna writes in his book, Building Effective Lay Leadership Teams, that the churches that enjoy the greatest growth, have the most biblically literate members, and make the most difference in their communities are the ones that stress the importance of building powerful lay leaders. I understand and wholeheartedly agree with this. Annual Lay Day is an opportunity to show just how committed you are to the principle of shared responsibility in building and strengthening the local church, as it’s the one time designated yearly for you, the lay members, to fully express yourselves and worship God in the way you know how, without input from the clergy.

While the pastor is responsible for discerning from God the vision for the church, he or she needs the help of committed, caring, faithful, trustworthy, Spirit-filled laypeople as enthusiastic as the pastor about seeing the vision come to pass. Without that support, the local church remains in a standstill. We’re not of the Baptist tradition, so the lay don’t run the church, but the church can’t survive without strong lay. Even churches that have strong, charismatic pastors who can draw the masses just by their preaching still need the support of strong laypeople to strengthen that local body, for the pastor, however gifted and anointed, will not be there forever. You show me a church whose strength hinges exclusively, or even close to exclusively, on the strength of the pastor, and I’ll show you a church who will die when that pastor dies.

The most powerful churches I’ve ever seen are not those where the pastor preaches you up the walls and off the chandeliers or where the music ministry breaks yokes all over the house, although good preaching and music vital to a growing, successful ministry. The best churches were the ones wherein the pastor and parishioners are equally about not just meetings, but more so about evangelism, outreach, biblical literacy, authentic worship.

The connectional AME Church understands very well this concept of shared responsibility, as it provides laypersons the same opportunity as it provides to propose and vote on legislation that will guide our Zion at each General Conference. Our system, in this regard, is a powerful one that empowers the pews for service and thereby helps the pastor with the vision God has spoken over the ministry. This is how we strengthen the local church. This is what church should look like.

Peace and Love,
Pastor Cylar
04-28-2013